What Is Your Love Style?
Welcome to this online quiz which helps you find your love style.
Get Prepared
First, you will want to grab your self discovery journal or a piece of paper to write down your insights and discoveries. Making notes about what you discover helps!
Get Ready
Next, get in the right frame of mind. If you are stressed out or tired -- bookmark this page and come back to it. If you want some inspiration, put on some inspiring music or take a quick break and step outside and enjoy the sunshine, snow or starlight.
Start
Take a moment and read (or review) the nine love styles so they are fresh in your mind.
Find Your Preferred Style For Showing Love
You have a style, or combination of styles that you use to show people you love them. Take a moment and write down the style(s) that best reflect how you say "I love you" through your actions, words and gifts.
Take a moment to think about how your style might vary based on who you are in relationship with. For instance, you might be more into Guiding and Mentoring (Love Style 9) with your kids but use a more Adventurous & Risk Taking approach with your significant other. Or it might be reversed ... the kids see your Adventurous side while your spouse and co-workers experience Guiding & Mentoring.
So for each of the major love relationships, write down how you think you demonstrate your love.
Friends
Kindred Spirit
Lovers
Life Companion / Significant Other
Love of Your Life
Soul mate
Kids
Family
Now do the same for the other major interpersonal relationships you have ...
Acquaintances
Co-workers
Room mates
Boss
Neighbors
Relatives
Partners
Finally, jot down the styles you use with the adversarial relationships you have. Yes, there are ways to show affection, compassion and respect in these relationships ... even if you are not quite up to loving your enemies.
Allies
Competitors
Enemies
Notice if your styles vary widely, and if so, take some time to think why this is so. Write down any insights you have, as well as any patterns you see emerging.
Find Your Preferred Style For Feeling Loved
Next, it is time to focus on what you look for to know you are loved. Some people want to be Supported and Nurtured, others prefer wild and unique Expressions of love. Or maybe you are looking for Mentoring & Guidance from the ones you love. And what makes you feel truly loved and appreciated is getting great advice and moral support.
So take a moment and write down how you want to be loved. Think about what really gives you that deep down feeling of being truly appreciated ... and the ways in the past that have really touched your heart.
Write down in as much detail as you want about .... What makes me feel truly loved? What am I looking for from the people I love?
Take some time with this section, and feel free to add to it as insights and ideas come to you. Often, ideas trickle in over a few days or weeks as you think more about it and start remembering things.
Review Your Major Relationships
Now is the time to muse about your past and present relationships. Take a moment to get centered and then create a table or chart of the major relationships you have had.
Write down the love style you gave and the style you think they wanted from you or preferred. Also write down the style you wanted fro them and what they gave you.
The idea is to look at how well each of you meet the love style needs of the other. Look to see if there are patterns in the relationships that had problems. Was a mismatched love style a factor? Does seeing things in black and white make it easier to understand what went (or is going) wrong? Do you have any ideas about what you would do differently now?
Now take a look at the relationships that thrived or are going well. Do you see a pattern here, and do love styles play a role in the success of those relationships? Do you have any insights about how to make the relationship even more rewarding and loving?
As people grow and evolve, so do their needs and preferences in how they give and receive love. So, as you think about your major relationships, can you spot any changes in the past or any you anticipate coming up in the future? Do you need to adjust or adapt your love style?
As you grow and become more experienced and trusting with the ones you love, often you can gain the confidence to let your loved ones know what truly touches your heart and how you preferred to be loved. Does knowing about love styles help you express more clearly what you need and what you have to offer?
Ending
A workshop like this can bring up a lot of feelings and memories ... especially if you have some failed relationships or baggage in your past. So give yourself some time to work through anything that comes up. Feel free to write more in your journal or diary about what you think and feel.
For instance ...Did you discover anything new about yourself? And did that surprise you? Is there anything you want to change about how you express love in your major relationships? Anything you want to discuss or share with your friends or loved ones?
Extra Credit
If you are brave enough, share these ideas with the people you love and talk it over with them. You can share with them your thoughts about the love style you prefer. Or get a reality check by seeing if they agree with the love style you think you are giving them.
If you are really open or brave, you can show them the entire list and get their impressions to see if you have an accurate picture of how you show love in all the different relationships you have ... and get their insights about how your style matches up with the needs of each relationship.
More Love Style Tools
If you want to explore these ideas further, here are a few tools and books I recommend ...
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The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts Come learn about the words and actions we use to express our love -- and discover how you can take practical and meaningful steps to truly express love in the language your beloved longs to hear from you. |
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